Imposter Syndrome

Foe or Friend?

In our creative process, we may encounter Imposter Syndrome and it may make us angry, sad, feel stuck; not all parts of the creative process are fun or exciting. There are varied reasons creatives experience Imposter Syndrome: fear of not being “legitimate” or good enough; fear of failure; fear of success; of doing it “wrong”; looking the fool, etc. Whatever the reason(s), Imposter Syndrome is an indication we’re leveling up—we’re encountering something in our creative process that is emotionally or spiritually challenging for us. We are reaching the edges of our comfort zones, for whatever reason, and we are terrified.

Sometimes we feel it in the beginnings of our creative process—I can’t write this poem/novel/ article. I’m not a good enough weaver/painter/glassblower. We let our fears lead our productivity (or lack thereof) and allow Imposter Syndrome to get in the way of any progress we could make.

Or we DO write/create/paint/move forward in our craft (good for us!) but then feel terrified to share with others: it’s not good enough. We’re not good enough.

[Note: some creatives do not want to share their art with others and that is a valid choice, but I’m not referring to those creatives. I am referring to the creatives who struggle with the decision to share.]

Ice storm hit two weeks ago in Williamsburg.

No matter where you fall on this continuum, you feel terrible. Any time we creatives are separated from making our art, especially when it’s self-imposed, we suffer. Our esteem takes a hit and so does our pride. We lose out on connecting to ourself and others. We miss out on experiences that could help us learn and grow. It’s frustrating.

In addition, it’s not our fault—we are not to blame. Sometimes Imposter Syndrome leaves us in this untenable position where we believe there is something wrong with us and then we are stuck in the reality of not good enough. Let’s begin to move away from this untruth.

First, if reality is essentially what we make it, let’s make our reality work FOR us and not against us. Let’s put Imposter Syndrome in perspective: everyone experiences it, just like everyone experiences other struggles in life—it is a part of the creative process and not the end of life as a creative.

Second, women experience Imposter Syndrome more than men do; no surprise, we live in a patriarchal society, after all. We are told we aren’t good enough just by not being valued unless we look a certain way or act a certain way—we surely aren’t valued in the marketplace by making the same amount of money. Look at the studies that have been done—women experience it more frequently and more acutely.

Are you a creative? Are you a woman? Then you most likely experience Imposter Syndrome. If you’re a man you know it too—just not as deeply as your female counterparts. Perspective is so important here: you are not alone, this is not an isolated incident and it isn’t unusual if it feels debilitating at times. You are among the majority—NOT the minority.

Foucault’s pendulum and reflections.

Let’s let that sink in for a bit: there is nothing wrong with us. That we experience Imposter Syndrome is not our fault. If we have taken Imposter Syndrome into ourselves so much that it has become synonymous with our identity or with our creativity, let’s begin to let that go. Let’s meditate on it. Let’s write the opposite (I am a valid, gifted creative who works hard and can overcome feelings of Imposter Syndrome.) over and over in a notebook with our dominant hand and our non-dominant hand. Let’s let go of those notions that we are defined by Imposter Syndrome—because we create our reality. We define ourselves—we don’t have to let it be through the lens of Imposter Syndrome.

Ready to accept that reality and move forward? Recall I said Imposter Syndrome is an indication that we are venturing out of our comfort zone. Who wouldn’t feel panicked or less-than or even just a bit uneasy if they venture into new territory? That’s normal. If we can pinpoint exactly what triggers us to feel overwhelmed, we have a good chance of addressing our issue(s). If we can learn to see Imposter Syndrome as a stepping stone in our creative process, we can learn to work with it and then around it.

Remember, this blog is called “There Is No Such Thing As Failure” for a reason. That title is MY reality—everything I encounter in my creative process I intend to treat as a tool for learning, Imposter Syndrome included. I try to listen to what Imposter Syndrome has to say to me so I can become a stronger writer and a better artist.

Playing with leaves and gelli prints.

First, let me share an old example and then a new one. Old: remember how I felt obligated to be accountable to you, dear readers, last year? My goal was to send out my art, the same way I send out my poems, to literary journals. I had Imposter Syndrome myself in that area—“Well, I’ve only had 2 art classes in my education. I’m not a ‘legitimate’ artist. I’d be competing with trained artists. I’ll fail. Why bother?” Believing I wasn’t legitimate was Imposter Syndrome and not a helpful way to support my creative journey. I shared my goal in a post, got hit with Imposter Syndrome, BUT felt obligated to be accountable to you all, thought “Fuck it—what will I lose? Nothing.” and acted in spite of feeling like I wasn’t a legitimate artist. That I did art made me legitimate. That I sent submissions out made me legitimate. That I felt insecure was simply that: a feeling. I sat with it for awhile before I acted—the acting is what made it pass.

[Note: How can you use your support system to help you with Imposter Syndrome? Brainstorm.]

New example: I’ve written a nonfiction book. Almost four years ago now. Still haven’t written a complete book proposal. (As of now I have a quarter of a rough draft done—go me!). Why have I waited so long? Because I don’t feel like an authority on my topic. I love my topic. I’ve got oodles of examples of how it has impacted my life, but I have Imposter Syndrome about it. I’m scared. I don’t feel good enough. AM I the best person to write this book? (Note: It’s a moot question because it’s already 90% written. Um, yes, Loralee.) So for four years write a book proposal has moved along through all my journals and “to-do” lists because this task feels so out of my comfort zone.

I could just let that lie and move on with my life, BUT any time we creatives are separated from making our art, especially when it’s self-imposed, we suffer. Our esteem takes a hit and so does our pride. We lose out on connecting to ourself and others. We miss out on experiences that could help us learn and grow. It’s frustrating.

But it doesn’t have to be. I can choose to keep making bargains with myself—when I feel stronger as a writer I will write that proposal. Or, I can write the proposal while I feel weak and insecure and prove to myself that I am the one in control of my own reality. I can choose to believe that Imposter Syndrome is simply a marker in my creative process. I can believe that I contain multitudes and one of the possibilities for me is to be a nonfiction author. This can be a stepping stone in my process and I can ask for support (I have—that’s why I have completed a quarter of a rough draft), I can set goals for myself (my current goal is that I will write for 20 minutes for the next 28 days on my book proposal and then assess what I have) and I can act in spite of feeling like I am stumbling along, insecure and unaware. Because I am insecure and unaware and the only way to learn this process is to embrace it and move forward—only then will I learn how to become secure and aware of how things can work.

Giving Imposter Syndrome the power is the equivalent of going into a French class and apologizing to the teacher because you can’t speak French. You’re there to learn how to speak a new language, not go to class because you are proficient in it already.

We would NEVER go up to anyone and tell them they aren’t a legitimate creative. So, why do we do that to ourselves? If we grant that adjective—legitimate—to every other creative, there shouldn’t be an exception for ourselves. Having doubts and feeling vulnerable—perfectly normal. Not allowing ourselves full creative expression? Harmful.

Imposter syndrome is insidious and pernicious (Thank you, Ann). Every creative experiences it; it is a part of the creative process. The keys take-aways to moving past it:

(1) Examine the specific areas it affects you.

(2) How can you use those limiting beliefs you have to inform your goals moving forward?

(3) What support—internal and external—would help you begin to embrace leaving your comfort zone(s)?

(4) Feelings are not facts and they require actions to change.

What have I missed? What was not addressed for you? Do you have suggestions for diving deeper or at a different angle? Please share—your experiences are valid and welcome!